Cruzing from the pain
by DodgerMcClure
Summary: Beaner needs to get away. and fast.
1. Default Chapter

~*~*I'm leaving today.~*~*  
  
I ran up the steps, just wanting to get away from everything and everyone. My mind was set and all I had to do now was pack. I had been trying to decide whether or not to leave the place I lived, the place that I had known home for 6 years, but now my mind was set. My mind knew that it was time to move on with my life and find something new.  
  
~*~*Living it, leaving it to change.~*~*  
  
New scenery was what I need to express who I was beneath a shell of white lies. All my friends but one knew the outer shell. Ice was the only one who truly knew the inside.  
  
~*~*Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze tongue tied, twisted are all my memories~*~*  
  
Memories of us hanging out at Tibby's or Medda have filtered through my mind, twisting together like they were one giant collage. There was a sight of me, the quiet one of the group that everyone went to if they needed help with something or needed advice on boys, girls, headlines or homework.  
  
~*~*Celebrating a fantasy come true packing all my bags finally on the move~*~*  
  
Different celebrations had happened at those places. Ice's annual summer parties, the strike's anniversary parties were held at both spots and everyone's birthday parties. That is actually where I have just run from, my own birthday party. I'm 17 years old and ready to face the world. I grab a bag from under my bunk in the girl's room and start throwing what items of mine in it.  
  
~*~*I'm leaving today.~*~*  
  
As I throw the things inside, I try to decide where I'm going. Maybe I would go to California, maybe Oregon or heck, maybe even to good old Santa Fe to live with Jack. I would finally get to see my brother after 6 years since he and Sarah left.  
  
~*~*I'm living it, leaving it to change.~*~*  
  
The change of scenery and the change in faces would do me good. Ice is the only one that the change will not fade away. She's been through everything with me. Us beating the boys at card games, chasing off Morris and Oscar when they bugged Les Jacobs and she's also been with me when my sister died.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~Flashback~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I just want to die Ice. It feels like a part of me is gone forever. Roots was my best friend, my teammate, my twin. Nothing is ever going to be the same without her."  
  
I broke down into more tears as Ice tried to comfort me. Alison "Roots" Thomas, my twin sister had just been laid to rest in the ground and now we were back in the girl's room at the Lodging House packing up her things.  
  
"I just can't do this Ice. I don't want to pack away the things that belonged to her. I don't want to feel like she is permanently gone."  
  
"But she is gone Beaner. You've got to realize that."  
  
"But why couldn't it have been me? If she hadn't pushed me out of that carriage, she'd still be here." Ice took me by my shoulders.  
  
"Don't you ever talk like that Stephanie Thomas! If you were to have died instead of her, she'd be doing the same thing right now but she would be in even worse condition. You were more important to her than anything. You are important to all of us. You keep Kid Blink, Mush, Skittery and Specs in line, you help the younger ones with schooling. You were always good at that stuff."  
  
"But Roots could have become a famous singer. She was always good at that."  
  
"She was a good singer but you are the teacher of the group. Her voice would have eventually leave her while your knowledge would always stay with you. At least now, her voice will fill the heavens. We should have named her Angel instead of Roots." I looked at Ice's sky blue eyes and saw that she meant every word she said. Maybe she was right. Maybe Roots is in a better place now. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and we continued packing up Roots things. I kept her cap though and a picture of the Jack, Roots and I before he moved and a picture of the gang, Kid Blink, Specs, Mush, Roots, Ice and I.  
  
~*~*~*~End of Flashback~*~*~*  
  
~*~*Packing all my bags finally on the move.~*~*  
  
I shook my head and continued to pack my clothes and personal things. The last things to go in the bag were the pictures. They were the most precious things to me and I didn't want them to break. I gazed at them before I closed the case. Why was I taking these pictures? They were not going to be of any use once I was gone.  
  
"I don't want any reminders." I took the pictures out of the bag and threw them against the wall above Ice's bed. At least she would be the one to find them and not one of those idiotic, moronic dummies.  
  
~*~*I'm leaving today I'm living it, leaving it to change.~*~*  
  
I put my brother's cowboy hat on my head, sling the bag around my shoulder and look around the room. I knew that the memories of the girl's late night chats will always haunt my memories but that was all that would. The pranks done by the boys, the studying and the dreaming would all be forgotten in due time. I exited the door, took a final look and closed the door. No one would expect me to use the front door that was if they even knew I was gone.  
  
I slowly walked down the stairs, feeling the wood grain of the banister beneath my fingers. As I came to the front desk, I saw that Kloppman was there, reading one of the newspapers. He knew I was leaving and he knew the reason why though I hadn't even told him. He had seen it coming over the past weeks. The stares, the whispers. All of that was to change though.  
  
I gave Kloppman the last hug I would ever give him and started to leave.  
  
"Beaner wait. I have something for you." He went around to the safe where he normally kept any notes from long lost parents to the Newsies or special things that Newsies had wanted kept safe. Kloppman spun the dial and then opened it. I didn't see what he had pulled out but soon saw that it was a pouch.  
  
"Roots gave this to me right before she died. She said she wanted you to have it when the time was right. There is also $10 from her savings over the year. She always saved a penny a day for you and your desires. Now is the best time to give it to you."  
  
I took the pouch from Kloppman and took whatever it was out. The object that had called its home in the pouch for all those years was a single pendent in the shape of a teardrop. Turning it over, I saw that there were initials on it. "L.T." was inscribed and right then I knew that it was my mother's pendent. Both Roots and I had been given our mother's maiden name so that we wouldn't be connected to our father and what he had done.  
  
"Thank you Kloppman. This means a lot to me." I began to put the pendent into its respective pouch but then decided against it. Instead, I placed it around my neck. I gave Kloppman a final wave and walked out the Lodging House doors for the last time.  
  
~*~*As I'm driving I'm captured by the view of so much beauty~*~*  
  
I walked down to the train station, bought my ticket and got onto the train. Soon after, the engine's starting noise occupied my thoughts as to proving that I was actually on my way away from my once know life. The train starts chugging along and I feel the steady rhythm beneath me. I gaze out of the window and see the setting sun illuminate the tall structures. The rhythm of the steam engine chugs so smoothly that my thoughts drift to why I was leaving, why I was joining the outside world away from New York State.  
  
~*~*Earlier that evening~*~*  
  
"Happy birthday dear Beaner, Happy birthday to you." Voices filled the air of Medda's, cheering as loud as they could as if trying to make all of Manhattan know that today was my birthday. I push back my strands of hair that had fallen from the barrette and blow out the candles. Cheering once again filled the air. Tonight was going to be one night that the whispers of others would not bother me.  
  
For a few months now, rumors have been going around about me; saying that I work for the mob or am a prostitute in my spare time. Most don't know where these had originated from, but I do: Mr. Spot Conlon. Just because I turned him down means that I have to be treated like scum. He was supposed to be my best friend's boyfriend but did that stop him from making moves on me? NO.  
  
Some would have thought that Ice would have believed the rumors but she didn't. I talked to her and when we finished she went over to see Spot and beat him so badly, he couldn't walk. Neither of them admitted to as why the infamous Spot Conlon was beaten up. They just let people say things about him. Though with Spot beaten up, that still didn't stop the rumors. Guys that I thought were my best friends started to act either uneasy around me or thought that I was easy.  
  
Presents both small and somewhat large were handed over to me. Boots and Snipeshooter gave me a sketching that they had found of the Statue of Liberty. (That had been my selling spot.) Les and David gave me a new set of writing books and pencils so that I could keep up with David in the studies that I missed while selling. Kid Blink, Mush and Specs had all given me a dollar towards anything I wanted.  
  
I thanked them all and excused myself so I could go get a drink. I exited the room and went out to where the drinks were kept.  
  
"Hmm." I turned around to see Kid Blink.  
  
"Hey KB. Thanks for the dollar. I know exactly what I'll use it for, more fabric for that shirt of yours." We both laughed knowing full well that I would probably end up using it for fabric for his shirt. He was always tearing it one way or another.  
  
"Um. Stephanie, I have one more present for you." I looked at him with a bit of confusion when all of a sudden he lunges at me.  
  
"What are you doing?" Kid Blink pins me against the wall and moves us even farther into the darkness of the room.  
  
"I'm giving you something I'm sure you've wanted for a long time now: me." What is he talking about?  
  
"Kid Blink, get off of me."  
  
"It's what you do isn't it? Give your body for spare money? That's how you have all that spare money. Now I'll give you money don't worry. I've been saving up for awhile. Mush is going to come in after and give you the rest of the present as well." This was too much. I thought he was my friend but I guess I thought wrong. His left hand was unbuttoning my shirt and his right was holding me against the wall.  
  
'Enough is enough.' I think to myself. I put all my anger, fear and determines into all the power I could muster and lashed out with my knee. He went down like a rock.  
  
"Stay away from me August. I mean it. I thought you were my friend and wouldn't believe what Spot had spread about me. I guess I was wrong." I do up my shirt that he had gotten to the 4th button and stepped over him and ran back to the Lodging House.  
  
~*~*~*End of Flashback~*~*~*  
  
I wake up from my draining nightmare and gaze out into the night. The train was now passing through wide-open spaces and the moonbeams were hitting everything just right.  
  
~*~*Of so much beauty, the road becomes my muse the heat is rising and my head soars through the wind~*~*  
  
I pull out my writing book that I brought everywhere and just started writing. Words poured out of my pencil as if the gods possessed it. All my emotions spewed onto the page and the heat of my anger rose to my forehead and cheeks. ~*~*Cool calm collected is a child that lost a thing~*~* were the final words I put down before resting my hand. It was true though; I've been cool calm and collective my entire life and have lost almost everything that is dear to me.  
  
~*~*I'm leaving today I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change I'm leaving today I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change~*~*  
  
Leaving my life behind and starting anew was what I needed. Ice was the only thing that kept me there but it wasn't enough. I needed more than that. I need the guys as well. They've been with me always. I won't miss them though. They were backstabbers.  
  
~*~*But somehow I'm missing I think I really miss it.~*~*  
  
But backstabbers are still friends and I am going to miss them even if I don't want to.  
  
~*~*Don't walk away and I'm feeling like I've never felt before turn down the memories of yesteryears and broken dreams I'm free, finally free  
  
Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze  
  
I'm leaving today I'm living it, leaving it to change  
  
See I'm leaving today I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change  
  
I'm leaving today (I'm leaving it to change) Living it, I'm leaving it to change  
  
Living it, leaving it Said I'm living it, leaving it  
  
Living it, leaving it to change (I'm leaving it to change)~*~*  
  
The train starts to slow down and I realize that it's time to cross over to my next train. I grab my bag and get off the train. I look back at where I had just come from.  
  
"No point in looking back miss, sometimes you can't fix what has happened." Those words from Kloppman stuck out in my mind and I knew that they were right. Fixing what had happened would never be able to happen. They had hurt me too much. I walk over to the bench and wait for the next train to come to take me away.  
  
~*~*But somehow I miss it I think I really miss it.~*~*  
  
Tears started to leak from my eyes and I put my hands to my face, just letting them come. Knowing full well that I will, do miss them..  
  
~*~*One day.~*~*  
A/N: This is my first time writing a song fic. I hope you guys liked it and tell me if I should write some others. I do not own the Newsies for they belong to Disney. I do own Beaner, Roots for they are mine. Ice belongs to none other than Ice. The song is "Cruz" by Christina Aguilera. I want to thank Ice for introducing me to that song. Thanks ICE! For those who read my other stories, I will try to update soon, don't worry. 


	2. You've got a friends

A/N: Ice bugged the daylights out of me to put another little chapter up for this story so I guess here it is. DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the Newsies that are from the movie or Kloppman. I do own Beaner and Ice owns her character.  
  
Ice's POV  
  
Man, Beaner has been gone a long time. Where could she have gone? This is her birthday party. Kid Blink came into the room and he looked a bit sore but that's probably from the fact he had been running all day on errands for the party.  
  
I went up to him. Maybe he knows where Beaner is.  
  
"Hey, Kid. Do you know where Beaner is?"  
  
He didn't answer right away. The look on his face looked like that of guilt.  
  
"I think she might be at the Lodging House. She said she had forgotten something there."  
  
He then went off to Mush's table and whispered something in his ear. From where I was, I could see some slight fearful looks on their faces that were also mixed with guilt. Seeing both with this look really means something is wrong. They start heading for the door.  
  
"If I want answers, I'd better get those two quick."  
  
I ran after them and caught up to them outside the Lodging House.  
  
"Now where are you off to boys?"  
  
"Um.. we're just making sure that Beaner's okay. Maybe help her with whatever she was getting."  
  
Man, both being Newsies, you'd think they'd be better at lying. Both had guilt on their faces. I grabbed both by their shirts.  
  
"Spill the truth now or I'll find out from Beaner when I go talk to her."  
  
"I advanced her after hearing all those rumors and thought they were true. I figured she'd like it if she got two in one night, so Mush and I were going to, well you know."  
  
Fury raged throughout my body. These two morons were supposed to be her friends, not some guys who didn't believe her word over rumors. I let go of their shirts and as they fixed them up, I socked them both in the face.  
  
"You had better hope she's in there right now or else you two will have an even worse soaking as to when I soaked Spot. And you do remember how bad he was beaten, right?"  
  
Complete fear filled their faces. I ran into the building and up the stairs.  
  
'Please be there. Please be there.'  
  
I entered our bunkroom to find no one there. Beaner's bed was messed up and I noticed that her carrying bag wasn't under it.  
  
"This is not good."  
  
I started to walk over to her bed but noticed shards of glass on mine so I went over to it. There was the group picture, shattered and scattered over my pillow. Underneath the busted picture was an envelope. I sat over on Lightning's bed and opened the envelope, hoping that whatever was in it wasn't real.  
  
Dear Savannah  
  
I'm sorry to do this to you but I just can't stand it any longer. What August did to me pushed me over the deep end. I thought I still had friends in guys but I guess that the only guys that will ever truly stay my friends are Kloppman and Specs. I've thought of the coward's way out, suicide. I knew that if I did this, everything, the pain, the whispers, the stares, would all go away. I fingered the knife but knew I couldn't do that to you or Specs or Kloppman. Knowing that I've caused you pain in seeing my lifeless body caused me to throw the knife into my bag (for protection only).  
  
Specs has a note as well as to why I'm gone so please make sure he gets it before the morons do. Savannah, I want you to know that you will forever be in my heart. You've never let me down and you'll always be strong.  
  
Kloppman knows I'm gone. Please keep an eye on him.  
  
You're loving friend until the end.  
  
Beaner  
  
No. This isn't right. Beaner is still here, she's not gone. But the words are here and she's not. I run to the boy's bunkroom to see an envelope with Spec's full name on it. I grab it and head back to the girl's room where I pack my bags to go after her.  
  
"Beaner is not going to be alone. She needs me now."  
  
As I packed, I thought back to when she did the same for me.  
  
~*~*Flashback: Beaner and Ice meet~*~* A/N: In the first part, Roots dies when they are 15. This happens 4 years before it. That is also in Manhattan while this one is in Harlem. This happens right after the strike before Jack goes to Santa Fe.  
  
Just after 4 days here at the lodging house and I've got no friends. I'm 11 and I need friends but no one here at the lodging house wants to sell with me or will even talk to me. I better just keep moving on to another city. Maybe someone will be my friend there. I pack into my small bag the few belongings I had and sneak out of the Lodging House. No one would miss me so there's no point in staying. Plus, the leader freaked me out a little. He kept staring at me.  
  
I start walking down the street towards the train station.  
  
"Maybe Chicago will be a good place to live. New faces and hopefully some friends."  
  
I got to the station only to see a few people standing around. I sat down on the farthest bench from anyone. I was looking for friends but I didn't feel like making them at 4 in the morning. I saw on the schedule board that the train wouldn't be there till 5 so I might as well get some sleep. I started to drift asleep but soon my arm was grabbed. I jolted to see the leader of Harlem with a very angry look on his face.  
  
"And where do you think you're going off to? You're my Newsie."  
  
I tried to get out of his grasp.  
  
"I don't belong here or to you. I felt I should try somewhere else."  
  
"Well I'm sorry, but you're mine now. I don't care if you don't make friends. You're mine and you'll work only for me."  
  
This is not good. I continue to try and get away but he's got too much of a grip on my arm.  
  
"Excuse me, but I don't think she wants to go with you."  
  
I look to who it is to see two small girls and a boy who looked about 17.  
  
"This is none of your business Kelly. She's one of mine."  
  
"If she's looking for another place you blockhead, then she's no longer yours."  
  
The leader just laughed and glared at the little girl who had said this. I noticed for the first time that the girls were twins. One was taller with short hair while the other one had her hair in side braids. The one that had spoken was the short haired one.  
  
"Keep your sister on a leash Kelly. She's starting to wander."  
  
"Can it Bubble Brain. Let her go or you're gonna pay."  
  
"I'd like to see you do it. You're nothing pipsqueak."  
  
I saw the braided one shake her head. Why do I have a feeling he shouldn't have said that? The next thing I know, the lughead is on the ground. She had taken a cane from somewhere and hit him across the head.  
  
"I warned you. She's not your property."  
  
The shorthaired one came up to me for the lughead had pushed me to the ground when she came at him.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah. Why'd ya do that for me?"  
  
"No one deserves being a property. Jack taught me that. I'm Beaner and my sister is Roots. We're from Manhattan. You want to come with us. I'd like to have someone else with Roots and I in the girl's room. Plus this guy won't come around. He's scared of both Jack and my best friend Spot. (Who would have thought that Spot would turn his back on Beaner once she turned him down?)  
  
"Yeah sure."  
  
Beaner grabbed my bag and we headed off down the road towards Manhattan.  
  
~*~*End of Flashback~*~*  
  
I finish packing and head off to where the party had been. I wanted to give Specs the letter before going after her. I ran down the stairs to see Kloppman lecturing Kid Blink and Mush.  
  
"You've probably ruined an angel's spirit by listening to those rumors. She's been nothing but a friend to you all these years, ever since Cowboy brought her and Roots here. She's the one who helped you both to finish high school. I want you both out tonight. I will not have you disgracing her name ever. Now go pack and get out."  
  
Kid Blink and Mush slumped up the stairs, not even noticing me at the bottom. Kloppman had never kicked a person out and I knew this would be his last. He slowly sat down behind the check in desk and pulled out a picture.  
  
"Uh, Kloppman?"  
  
He looked up and I could see tears going down the old man's face.  
  
"I've lost my last grandchild. Beaner was my grandchild from my wife's first marriage. That's why I took them in. They never had to pay but they did because they didn't want to be special. With Jack having moved to Santa Fe and Roots dead, Beaner was my last family in the state. She's gone now."  
  
I walked around to comfort him.  
  
"I'm going after her Kloppman. She needs someone. You know the whispers have been bothering her for sometime. I don't know if she's going to hurt herself or what. Do you know where she would go?"  
  
"Santa Fe. If she was going to hurt herself, she'd want to say goodbye to Jack first."  
  
I hugged Kloppman goodbye and told him I would write as soon as I could. I ran to the restaurant, gave Specs the letter and ran for the train station. I was lucky. I saw that there were only 2 stops before the train hit Santa Fe. I went up to the conductor's office.  
  
"Excuse me, but did a girl with short hair come by here earlier?"  
  
"Yes she did. She went on the last train."  
  
"She's heading for Santa Fe. Is there anyway I could beat her there?"  
  
"Take the next train and don't get off at any stop. The one she's on will have 5 stops since it is a passenger one. This one is a cargo one if you don't mind."  
  
"I don't mind thanks Snoddy."  
  
The man behind the counter smiled at being called his old Newsie name. The train whistle blew and I ran for the train. I got on and waved goodbye to Snoddy. It chugged off and 2 days later I was in Santa Fe. I knew Jack's address so I borrowed a horse and asked for easier directions to his ranch.  
  
15mins later, I arrived to see Sarah at the gate.  
  
"Hi Sarah. Has Beaner come by here lately?"  
  
"No not yet. Kloppman sent a telegraph to Jack yesterday saying that you two would arrive, not sure which one first though. What is she running from?"  
  
"I'll tell you and Jack. She should get here about 3 o'clock."  
  
We walked back to the house to find Jack feeding the baby. I told them what had happened and after Jack had handed Sarah Isabella, he punched the sack of oats.  
  
"Those guys were supposed to be my best friends. How could they do that to my sister!"  
  
"Listen Jack, Beaner's gonna be here at 3. I don't know if she's going to do something when she comes to say goodbye, but I know that both of us don't want to lose her. We need to convince her she's wanted."  
  
A knock came at the door. We all looked at one another and then Jack went and answered the door.  
  
"BEANER! This is a surprise. C'mon in."  
  
Jack led Beaner in and she stiffened at the sight of me. At first I thought she was going to run but then she dropped her bag and ran to me. I grasped her in a hug.  
  
"Just cry Beaner. Just cry. You've always got a friend in me so never worry."  
  
I then started humming our theme song, a song that Medda had taught Roots, Beaner and I when she saw that we were inseparable.  
When you're down, and troubled and you need some love and care  
  
And nothing, nothing is going right.  
  
Close your eyes and think of me, and soon I will be there to brighten up even your darkest night.  
  
You just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come running, to see you again.  
  
Winter spring summer or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there.  
  
You've got a friend.  
  
If the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds and that old north wind begins to blow.  
  
Keep your head together and call my name out loud soon you'll hear me knocking at your door.  
  
You just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come running, running ya, ya, to see you again.  
  
Winter spring summer or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there yes I will.  
  
Now ain't it good to know that you've got a friend when people can be so cold.  
  
They'll hurt you and yes desert you and take your soul if you let them. Oh but don't you let them.  
  
You just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come running, running yeah ya, to see you again.  
  
Winter spring summer or fall. All you have to do is call and I'll be there yes I will.  
  
You've got a friend. You've got a friend, ain't it good to know, you've got a friend.  
  
Ain't it good to know, ain't it good to know, ain't it good to know.  
  
You've got a friend, you've got a friend, you've got a friend.  
  
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A/N: Okay, that story is finished. One down, 12 to go. Thanks to that person who reviewed this story. Just remember everyone, no matter what happens in life, look for your friends. They are there to help. I don't own the song because it belongs to Carole King. (You've Got A Friend).  
  
See you all later! 


End file.
